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Persuasive essay to stop smoking - GCSE English - Marked

Date of publication: 2017-08-24 04:27

hi Liz, sorry for bothering you again. What you have suggested definitely makes sense , but my understanding is that the body paragraphs should follow the introduction(may be i am approaching opinion essays totally wrong). Please guide me on following opinion essay introductions.

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The use of mobile phones in public places have become rampant over recent decades. Although some people believe that using cell phones in public places should be prohibited, I do not agree that it should be for several reasons which will be discussed in this essay.

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IELTS Essay Ideas: Banning Mobile Phones

If you disagree that mobile phones should be banned then your full essay should explain why you think they shouldn 8767 t be banned. Any position you take but be supported through your entire essay. So, no it 8767 s not possible to say you agree 655% with one side and then write a full body paragraph supporting the other side. Your whole opinion essay but explain why you believe what you believe.

You cannot discuss both sides in an opinion essay equally. Firstly, this is not a discussion essay, it is an essay where you must have a clear opinion to get a good score. Secondly, you can 8767 t have an opinion which is 8775 I agree and disagree 8776 . However, it is possible to have a balanced opinion (where you partly agree with the statement) but remember it is not a discussion and your opinion must be very clear.
Regards
Liz

hi liz excuse me because i didnt read the rules for posting a comment on your pages i am really apologize for the mistake that i made.
please can you be more clear about how many paragraph it should be? i thought there should be (introduction,opinion,first,second paragraph,and conclusion)
thank you for your time

Another point to check is your linking 8775 and there for should not be prohibited in public places 8776 = 8775 and, therefore, should not be . 8776 Make sure you read back through your essay to get rid of any small errors. Another linking error can be found here: 8775 in critical times as fires , crimes and road casualities 8776 . Using 8775 as 8776 for a linking device is not for examples. You should have used 8775 such as 8776 .

On the whole, you write well but to succeed in IELTS work on the quality rather than quantity of your writing. Also remember if the essay asks for your opinion, then you state your opinion in the introduction and explain your opinion in the body.
All the best
Liz

So if i understand correctly, if give my introductory opinion that mobile phones should be restricted to an extent that will help public. should suffice my para 6 and para 7 and conclusion. Please clarify.

Now a days , increasing usage of cell phone in public place urging a demand of prohibiting it usage in public place because it creates number of problem to am disagree with this my point of view, cell phones should not banned anywhere whereas we can take few measures to avoid the intrusive and other things.

It 8767 s a good essay. You have addressed the task fully and given a clear, well supported opinion. You also have good English. However, there is a downside. Two in fact. Unfortunately, your linking needs work. At present, it would be labelled as 8775 mechanical 8776 and this means each linking word is used like a machine without flexibility. This means it is band score 6 for linking. It is mechanical because you start each sentence with a linker. Firstly, . / For instance, . / Additionally, / Furthermore, / Secondly, ./ For example, ./ Finally, . You need to be more flexible and not always put your linkers at the start of sentences.

The use of mobile phones on public transport can also eradicate monotony during long journeys. Today, one can video record or take a photo of happenings to capture the moment. In this technologically advanced era, one can also watch videos and movies, play games and and keep abreast with social media happenings to keep themselves entertained.

It is considered by many people that mobile phones should not be allowed in public places, like libraries, shops and transport. Despite its negative effects, it has some inevitable roles that cannot be overlooked.
I opine my disagreement with the statement in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, an argument put forward in favor of banning mobile phones has plethora of reasons. Firstly, unrestricted use of phones in certain places can be intrusive to others comfort. For instance, in libraries, phones usually distract the concentration of readers. In addition to this, phones can annoy and cause nuisance exploiting the experience of others while travelling by interacting loudly on phones. Lastly, phones can act as unethical devices in some shops as an example, when people are busy sending texts rather than addressing to seller in front of them.

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